Contraceptives 101
So, the other day I was reading a thread about this ridiculous elephant poop of an idea that because a woman (theoretically, for the moment) has the choice to abort a fetus, that she should do so whenever the man has buyer’s remorse about having sex, that by definiton, might produce a fetus, which by defiintion, is the mother’s choice to keep or to abort. The site I was reading and commenting on gets about 500 comments a day, and this thread had about 200 comments before it was over with. I have a job and a life, so the first thing I did wrong was comment instead of writing a blog post. The second thing I did wrong was misread some statistics; and the third thing I did wrong was to try to respond to a pedantic man who thinks he knows everything there is to know about birth control, either because he’s fucked a girl or because he’s read the FDA’s stats on birth control. Whatever. The point is that there is some asshole out there (a few of them actually) that doesn’t want to pay child support because he didn’t think it through enough to wear a condom. However, I do want to work out, once and for all, why it’s not only a woman’s responsibility to provide birth control. This is the part where we’re going to learn about BCP, “perfect use” versus “typical use,” and other failure rates.
According to Planned Parenthood, the failure rate for BCP when used perfectly is fewer than 1 out of 100. What is perfect use? It’s when the pill is ingested daily, which is why you’re always encouraged by your gynecologist to take the pill at the same time every day. For example, for progestin-only pills, protection can be lost if a pill is missed by three hours or more.. If you screw up and take your pill “whenever I remember,” you are increasing the odds that the pill will be ineffective. If you are taking antibiotics, you are basically negating the effects of the pill. Being physically ill, such as vomiting, can also decrease the effectiveness of the pill. So, you see, it’s not so easy as “pop a pill every day, and hey presto! no babies!” To think so is, to put it plainly, quite stupid. Most people don’t take the pill perfectly. It’s possible, but very hard, because women are people with jobs, lives, and kids, people who get sick or have business trips. Women are people who, like you, might fuck up and forget to take a pill. Keep this in mind.
Now then, this is the part that you’re not going to like. If you are a male of the species, and you choose to have sex with a woman with whom you do not wish to have children, you should really evaluate what it means to have sex with her and not use a condom. Read the paragraph above again, and then tell me that it’s worth risking a kid to go bareback every now and then. It’s certainly your choice to take that risk, but remember that when you take that risk, you are betting not only on your partner’s perfect use of the pill, but also that if she gets pregnant, she will abort the fetus. That’s not your chioce, and you have no control over it. You do, however, have the choice to wear a condom, or increase the theoretical chances that you will have to pay child support in the future.
Now, before it even gets started, I don’t want to hear about how I’m supposedly telling men to keep their pants zipped up and how that’s analogous to telling women to keep their legs closed. That’s not what I’m saying. What I am saying is that yes, there are things that will happen if you have sex. There is a continuum of things that may happen. One of those things is that birth control may fail, and you may end up being a dad because it’s the woman’s choice regarding whether or not any resulting fetus will be aborted. And do us all a favor and don’t bitch and whine about that particular piece of biology, because honestly, no one gives a shit. It’s a fact of biology. You don’t get to pick. Not sorry.
Now, for two inevitable questions/scenarios:
- “But, Nikki, she lied to me!! She said she couldn’t get pregnant!!”
I don’t give a rat’s ass. It’s your job to look after yourself. If some stupid woman gets offended that you want to wear a condom, then she’s got issues surrounding others’ perception of her vagina that preceeded you. You don’t want a piece of that anyway. Two, I don’t care how many times you, your buddies, myself, the Pope, or anyone has done it bareback. There is a risk you are assuming when you choose to go without protection. It’s your dick, it’s your choice. Sack up and own it, motherfucker, or we’re taking away your detachable penis.
- “But why should I pay child support to some one-night-stand ‘ho who claimed she would abort any resulting fetuses? Damnit, she lied!“
I am unmoved by your continuous complaints that women lie. This is because I know that there may be no worse hell than trying to track down a whiny SOB like you for child support. Who the hell would want to do that? Anyway, you are paying child support because there is a child, dill hole. Once again, if you would have used a condom, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.
This shit is so fucking elementary.
March 15th, 2006 at 8:54 pm
Reason #435 why I make him wear a condom even when I’m on the pill.
It’s too bad I had such shitty effects on Depo.. it was a god send while it lasted.
March 16th, 2006 at 10:24 am
This is awesome. You give good rant!
I was planning to blog about this myself… no telling when/if I’ll get around to it. I am SO fucking sick of people trying to trot out the “evil, conniving bitch tricking a man into getting her pregnant” story. As if that happens soooo often.
March 16th, 2006 at 10:33 am
What a lovely rant!
Well as evidence that there are those girls that TRY to get pregnant I point out my sister-in-law. At the same time my brother is a fucking idiot for not wearing a condom. When will men start taking resposibility for the things they do?!
March 20th, 2006 at 12:30 pm
I hate to crosspost, but check my question about this on Amber’s blog. Eager to hear your thoughts.
March 20th, 2006 at 6:52 pm
My take on your question at Amber’s is this: regardless of whether or not the woman becomes pregnant, and regardless of any precuations either of you takes, men enter in to a sexual relationship knowing full well that the decision to keep or abort any fetus ultimately lies with the woman. A woman may in good faith attempt to prevent pregnancy, and so may a man, and she may go so far as to talk about what she thinks she would do in the event of an unplanned pregnancy, but the fact of the matter is that no one really knows the answer to that particular question until they are faced with it. The nature of procreation places the ball (if you will) squarely in the woman’s court. There’s really nothing to be done about it, and no way to absolve a man of his part if the issue of a child carried to term comes up, because having sex at all indicates a tacit understanding that after you’ve done what you can to protect yourself, the ultimate decision (should one need to be made) is not yours. Which is exactly why men should be just as proactive as women in preventing unwanted pregnancies.
March 21st, 2006 at 4:33 pm
I just ranted about this the other day in the wake of an article I saw in the Boston Globe about some guy suing to stop paying child support to his ex-girlfriend. I was particularly annoyed by the title of the article, which implied that women deliberately entrap men this way. While I’m sure it’s something that does happen, I’m sure people vastly overestimate its occurences.
Anyway, your rant is spot on. If there were a male birth control pill, I wouldn’t trust them to take it, and I barely trust myself! Why leave yourself open to the possibilities when you can take extra steps to cover your ass?
March 22nd, 2006 at 8:48 pm
My rule is simple (because I’m not on the pill)… No glove, no love, no exceptions. I know where my body has been, you don’t. Conversely, YOU know where your body has been, I don’t.
As a result, the drunken grope in the backseat? Doesn’t happen. I keep my head, thanks. Let’s not forget all the little nasties out there IN ADDITION to unwanted pregnancy. AIDS is still a reality. Chlymidia is the fastest growing STD. HPV is a reality, too. Why ANYONE would go bareback is beyond me.
May 12th, 2008 at 11:08 am
[...] Nikki’s rant about contraceptives and “men’s rights” BS [...]